Waiting…

One thing that we learn as cancer patients/survivors is waiting!! For results, scans, appointments…always waiting! Not one of my strong points, rather the opposite!!

My appointment is on the 25th, then I’ll find out what the Onc/Gyn has planned to do with the pre-cancerous VIN III cells…if I were a betting person, I’d say surgery – but, he might have other plans – and I trust him, 100%, always have – he’s aggressive and I like that in a doc, any doc!

I had a min-meltdown last night…of course at 3 AM, so hubby wasn’t around to unload on – I ended up hugging the kitties and waited it out! Not sure exactly why I had the melt-down, not my usual MO, but, hubby told me his boss’s wife is having serious liver/kidney issues and they are checking to see if it possibly could be cancer! Seriously! Are there anyone in my life who’s not affected by this damned disease in some way or another? A friend, a family member? Or was I naive and thought it only affected a few? Having lived with cancer so closely, with my mother, my mother-in-law, my aunts, I naively thought it only affected “us”…but, every day I see people posting on FB, on Instagram…them, their friends, their families. So, yes, cancer SUCKS!

When I started this journey it was a “oh, I have cancer now” – it was always a question of when, not if, in my mind…I didn’t go through the 7 stages of grief – but, after getting the news, picking my jaw off the ground and started fighting…options, doctors, hospitals, trials – you name it, I looked at it…I joined FB groups, chatted with others, did my research – which by the way, can be extremely dangerous – too much information is a bad, bad thing, especially if you don’t know how to interpret the information! One thing I discovered was that a lot of ladies felt very sorry for themselves, or clueless – AND, many of them had little to NO support system…which was completely foreign to me – I still don’t feel sorry for myself and…I had, and still have, the worlds best support system in place!!

So it makes me wonder (for the 100th time), is THAT the reason I got cancer? To help others? Spread awareness? Mentor others? Learn about the illusive “patience?” I think I’m at the 1.5% mark on that one! I reached out to one of my FB groups, and got exactly what I needed, support and understanding about my mini-meltdown – apparently it’s normal! 😉

I know this post is rambling…it was like I had a freaking aha moment at 3 AM…more thoughts and ideas after 26 months of this shit…really?! It was like my mind was in complete overdrive, and I just could not shut it off! Today is much, much better – I got my head in the right place, I know I’ll be fine and there will be a plan come Tuesday. Until then…cancer will continue sucking, but, I’ll deal with whatever!

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